I was supposed to be headed to Los Angeles two weeks ago to spend some extended time with my folks. We managed to get a full quorum of the Schorr clan booked to show up for the family gathering we all really love each year. We even kept Eitan’s booking to join us a secret. We did this with Ruthie last year and Mom and Dad’s reaction was priceless.
But we got thrown a few curveballs. Dad had to have emergency gall bladder surgery – fortunately he is recovering well but his energy is subdued and Mom is tired. I’d hoped to be there to support them sooner and get the time with them that is so precious with the time and distance between us now. Instead I flew to Seattle…Ari had mono and was truly laid low. And when your kid (even at 24) asks Mom to come, it’s done. Ari had such passionate ambition to run the Boston marathon in two weeks hence…with those hopes dashed he felt very, very disappointed on top of feeling like a truck hit him. Thank goodness for his compassionate girlfriend, Lauren – a nurse and a simply lovely human being. She had been caring for Ari since he took sick, but she just started her new job in Seattle and it wasn’t fair to her to bear this role for long. I am blessed to be able to work virtually anywhere, so as Ari rested, I kept up with my tasks and cooked chicken soup at the same time! He’s on the mend now, and I’m relieved.
So this is life. This is the whole in sickness and in health deal that goes for the betrothed and it applies to family and dear friends, too. It’s never convenient, often not fun, always disruptive. It tests one’s patience, flexibility, and calm in the face of adversity. I have been here before, and I know I have it in me to rise to the occasion and take some control. But it always surprises me that strength and perspective needed at these times just sort of show up. Rolls up its sleeve and digs in.
I am humbled by the love our friends always show when rough stuff happens. Calls, food deliveries, offers of a place to stay, empathy. We are blessed. And of course my dear Andrew is the best partner anyone could ask for. I miss him when we are apart but I know we are a team and will get through this together.
This episode had a happy ending. Dad is really getting better each day, Ari is back at work and running again. We got the family all together for Passover in LA and I have stayed on to make up for some time lost at the front end and am enjoying the company of my parents, my brother and his family, and even some friends I haven’t see in a long time.
But…this all brings home the very deep conflict I have about living abroad…living thousands of miles and many hours away from those I love so much along with Andrew. On one hand, living in Barcelona the last nearly two years has been incredible – rich, invigorating, challenging, frustrating at times, amazing, magical, unique. Andrew and I individually and together, as well as with Eitan when he was living with us, have been experiencing what it’s like to live in another culture, at a different pace, learn a different language and connect on totally new levels with so many people with such different world views and experiences. And just as important, we have discovered (well, really confirmed) that deep down most people want the same essential things – health, companionship, enough security to do things that make us happy, and to connect.
There has been just one huge trade off in this – not being able to share the daily experiences with our loved ones – theirs and ours. Sure, Skype helps. Visits are awesome. Texting little “thinking of you” notes make it feel as though we are just a shout away. It is not the same. Never was, never will be. And when these sorts of bumps in the road happen, it brings this dilemma into even sharper focus. It pains me a lot.
Those who know Andrew and I know that we have had our share of challenges especially around Andrew’s health. We are blessed that today…and hopefully for a long time to come, we will continue to enjoy our partnership and lust for travel and our own brand of adventure. Living in Spain and adopting a live-for-today approach to our lives together has been amazing. We take off on our “adventures” hiking areas we’ve never been to without knowing how we will get back. We take as many opportunities as we can to blend our work travel commitments with some crazy add-on experience we might otherwise put off. We encourage our friends and family to camp out with us for whatever time they can to share this life with us. As Andrew says, “We try to say YES as much as we can…”. Yet, this all comes at a price – and I struggle with this every day.
I honestly don’t know how this story’s next few chapters will unfold. That is partly exciting. Partly frustrating. Wholly life.
Stay tuned.
Living La Vida Loca 