Aunt Helaine – charming, gracious, effusive, witty, feisty, tender Aunt Helaine – passed away surrounded by her family this last weekend. I loved Helaine from the moment I met her when Andrew and I were engaged many years ago. She immediately knew that we were cut from some of the same no-nonsense cloth, and she always cheered me on about my eclectic career, knew from immense experience the great joys and the sometimes painful challenges of raising and nurturing children, and about the incredible sanctity of family.
Whenever someone who didn’t know Aunt Helaine heard me tell a story about visits with her they’d say “She sounds like an awesome woman”…indeed – full of life, filled with stories, eternally looking after everyone else…always welcoming. always inquisitive and listening. Helaine never…never…failed to ask how my Mom and Dad were…and I believe they’d met only once – at our wedding. She knew how close I am to them and it mattered deeply to her. Our children – Ari, Ruth, and Eitan – though always living far away from the Westchester clan, were always asked about…how are they doing in school? How is Ari’s running going? How’s “that Ruthie?”…what’s Eitan up to these days?…And she really, really wanted to know.
Over many years, Andrew and I tried as best we could to keep connected to our east coast family. It was hard with all of us spread across the country and soon the kids dispersing on their own journeys toward adulthood. But we always stopped to see Helaine when any of us were in the New York area. And she appreciated it so much…and each of the kids forged a unique bond with her unlike I have ever seen when two people see each other so rarely, with so relatively little history together.
I believe the catalyst for these special relationships is Andrew, my sweet husband. Aunt Helaine was his “second mother”. Andrew’s great love for his mother, Ruth, and father, Max, comes from a seemingly endless pool of desire to have family part of his daily existence. And Aunt Helaine helped fill some of the void of connection left when Max and Ruth passed on. While we together made the choice to move to Seattle and then Barcelona, Andrew and I worked together (and still do) to keep our regular ties to my cherished parents, brother and his family, the extended east coast family, and of course, Helaine. And we do all we can to encourage that connection in our kiddos. It is a joy to watch.
Thank you, Aunt Helaine, for your smile. For your precious emails of late wanting more details about the handsome young man Ruthie is seeing…about Eitan’s dapper bow tie and Avon adventures…about Ari’s Microsoft life. Thank you for bagels and chocolate rugalach we begged you not to trouble with when we came to visit. Thank you for giving our seal of approval so many years ago to Andrew when he pondered proposing to me.
Thank you for always saying “Good day” and never goodbye.
Living La Vida Loca 